My favourite characters in Modern Family are Phil and Claire Dunphy. Phil’s a nerdy real estate agent with a penchant for magic and lame puns. He’s married to Claire, an ambitious OCD career mom with daddy issues. Every Valentine’s Day, they act out a fantasy where they role-play their fantasies of “Juliana and Clive Bixby”. They pretend that they’re strangers who meet at a hotel bar, and exchange painfully obvious sexual innuendos like: Clive (Phil): I design high-end eletrocacoustic transducers. Juliana (Claire): Wow, that is very… specific.  Clive (Phil): That’s just a fancy way of saying I get things to make noise. Or: Clive (Phil): I-I may have to make it an early one. Juliana (Claire): Are you sure? Because you only have one night with me, tiger, and I’m as flexible as a government-insured, zero-down, variable-rate mortgage. Then they go up to their hotel room and have a rompy night of wild sex. In this ......