“This is the final boarding call for SPRT passengers for flight number TTI100000000000000001 to the moon. Pls proceed to Gate #1billion immediately.” “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome onboard flight number TTI100000000000000001, departing mediocrity for the moon. My name is TTI and I’m your captain for this flight. We ask that you please fasten your seatbelts at this time and secure all shares underneath your seat or in the overhead compartments. Please also make sure your portfolio and folding trays are in their full upright position. All electronic devices should be set to huat mode. If you are highly leveraged or a shortist, please read carefully the special instructions card located by your seat. We remind you that this is a no paper hands flight. Selling is prohibited on the entire aircraft, including the lavatories. Encouraging paper hands, spreading FUD and just being a ball-less hum ji is prohibited...