It is with greatest pleasure that we announce the launch of Coconut Capital LLP! It will be the hugest, bestest, most amazing fund manager in the world.
We promise* you zero volatility in earnings (very important in this challenging times but totally not Madoff like of course) and MAXIMUM leverage to AMPLIFY our market returns (think less LTCM but more r/wallstreetbets #YOLO).
* Actual performance may vary and could include permanent loss of capital.
Besides that, we will also write long long 30-page investor memos with big words like “risk parity optimised portfolio” or “risk adjusted return” and beautiful charts. Beautiful ones.
And we’ll issue these investor memos EVERY DAY, because we want you to know EXACTLY what is going on in the financial markets that result in the daily fluctuations so that you can trade the names we tell you in your personal account and profit (ignoring transaction costs).